I am currently obsessed with black.In fact,I always was(when was I never?).A pity I'm not bringing any black shirts to Thailand because it would be a real stupid thing to do considering the temperature.Well,I might just consider stuffing it in at the last minute.If my suitcase still had any space(which I highly doubt).I wonder if I have brought everything I need?I don't want to leave it to the last minute,only to rush like mad around the house and realizing that I missed out on half of my packing list.Shit..I'm scaring myself.My mind is going over the list mentally already.I suppose I am somewhat a perfectionist.I don't want to miss out anything.Even if something goes wrong,I am instantly deemed as failed.Well I just have that level of expectations for myself.I guess it's this need for perfection that makes me so paranoid.I can't stand anything that is out of place.This applies for homework as well.I'd much rather not do the entire thing than to only do those I know,and leave others blank.Those blank spaces will haunt me for the rest of the day,lingering at the back of my mind.I think I have to learn how to lose some of this paranoia and my need for self-perfection.It gets quite irritating sometimes,when I have my mind on other things and these thoughts just pop up.
Well,as I was saying,I like black.alot.I have no idea why I'm mentioning this though.Let's see..other than myself,black reminds me of..er..fedora?Haha oddly it's the first thought that comes to my mind.Actually it kind of makes sense I suppose.Lol considering what a dark personality you have.When I think black,I think fedora for a weird reason.Well,I shall stop harping on it.Just want to voice my weird thoughts.
I think I have a very weird case of split personality.I act extremely different with different groups of people.As in [i][b]extremely[/b][/i].My behaviour is totally..different.Mostly though,I'm being my anti-social crap self.I won't elaborate anymore,but if you just happen to know me,you can think it over,if you have nothing else to do.Then again,maybe alot of people are like that.
And right now,I can't stand XXX(it can refer to a singular person or more.go figure).I am damn bloody irritated at the way everyone expects some kind of frigging explanation about everything I do,and they way they hound after me.It gets on my nerves after awhile.I hate having to give an explanation for every single effing thing I do.Cut me some slack.And some people are apparently under the mistaken impression that I am the responsible sort.They just unload all the bloody shit on me and expect me to what?Point my magic fingers at it and get it done?What I can do instead is to smash your head in and laugh while you bleed.It's getting hard to resist the sadistic urges.I just feel like pulling off some irresponsible stunt and get those bleeding pricks gasping 'but I thought you were so responsible!' It gives me immense pleasure to destroy your elaborate fantasies with one blow.Have I changed?I suppose so.I didn't use to swear so much.I don't know if I like how I am now,but then again,maybe I haven't changed as much as I thought.Just another figment of my imagination.
Yeah..[i][b]people change,things change and interests change[/b][/i].THis is the only answer I'm going to give.What answer,you think.Well,think about it.I'm sure it'll come to light,maybe soon.If you think about it,as much as we don't like change,it is the only thing that remains constant in our lives.I'm done and through with explaining myself.I swear,the next blithering idiot to come after me asking anything which is even remotely connected to the question 'Why?',I am going to unleash my focking fury on you,you won't know what the bloody hell hit you.Hopefully the trip will change my views on alot of things.Although I don't think I'd be able to have much thinking time,but maybe a few days away from this craziness will do the trick.If I wish hard enough,maybe everything will straighten out by itself(yeah right).[LINE] [It's satisfying to know the amount of power and control I have over you.]
posted by: fe (reply)
post date: 06.21.04 (5:01 pm)
heyyy be happy ur goin 2 thailand ya? and stop worrying u paranoid freek!! and u think of me whne u think black??? damn i must be insane XD
posted by: jamie (reply)
post date: 06.25.04 (7:13 pm)
